Tuesday Teabag, June 10, 2014 – NBA Finals

Welcome to Groundhog's Day!

Welcome to Groundhog’s Day!

Wow, The Machine’s finally over our post-Draft hangover (and have just sobered up from our epic Draft Party) and we’re ready to start writing again.  Until it’s appropriate for us to start writing about football (next week) we’ll switch gears and focus on the NBA for a bit.

The Machine was ready to write an article at the beginning of this years’ playoffs (you know, like three months ago), but then we realized:  we already did, last year, when we broke down the 2013 playoffs and (correctly) called a Heat/Spurs Finals.  Seriously, everything we wrote last year is still true.  The playoffs are ridiculously long, and the outcome is predetermined.  Ok, so maybe we got carried away by comparing the Heat to the ’96 Bulls (our bad) but our predictions were not only spot on, but they hold the test of time.  In this case, two years running.

[sidenote:  The Machine just saw a commercial for Coors Light Summer Brew and our nipples are officially hard].

OMFG!!!

OMFG!!!

Anyway, that’s why the NBA gets a Teabag.  For all the talk about parity in the NBA (Pacers the new #1 seed in the East, the young guns of Golden State, the Clippers revival, blah, blah, blah) the end result is the same:  Heat v. Spurs.  And guess what: the end result of the Finals will be the same.  The Heat will win their third consecutive Championship.  And you were saying what about parity?  [note:  the Spurs winning game three last night does not change a thing, it just adds more “drama”].

The lack of parity is a big problem for the league, much bigger than Donald Sterling (but thanks for the distraction you crazy old codger).  We told you last year the playoffs weren’t worth watching, just tune in to the Finals to watch the Heat win.  Well the same thing holds true this year and, barring MJ returning to the Bulls, will likely hold true next year.  As much as the NBA wants you to believe that anyone can win, it’s just not true.

The gap between the have and the have-nots is the largest in all sports.  Does anyone really think the Milwaukee Bucks will ever be contenders?  To the contrary, the Milwaukee Brewers (who last year finished 23 games out of first place) are now in first place and hold one of the best records in baseball.  Worst to first is possible in baseball and football, it’s unheard of in the NBA (thank you, guaranteed contracts).

No one will give the Heat a run for their money until Phil Jackson brings Kevin Durant to the Knicks (hiring Derek Fisher = Smartest. Decision. Ever.).  Until then, no one will not want to admit it, but basketball is predictable and boring.

Enjoy your Teabag.

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